Summer of 2019: Mom

Probably the most challenging and rewarding part of the past summer concerned our mom. We decided to bring her back home to Vancouver from Alabama, where she was living with her companion and his family. It was a decision we had hoped to avoid but in the end became an easy decision for my brother and I. The reason: mom's dementia/Alzheimers had gotten to the point that neither her companion nor his family was able to provide her adequate care. When they began discussing placing her in a care facility in in Alabama, we took the initiative to bring her home where she would be near family. She still recognizes her children and grandchildren.

At the Atlanta airport bring mom home.

We brought mom back shortly after 4th of July. The trip back was uneventful (she was well sedated). We were able to find a nice care home with limited number of residents where she is placed. She seems to enjoy it there. Throughout the summer I tried to visit 2-3 times a week. Once she got settled in we started taking her out to lunch at Burgerville.

After lunch on the waterfront we took a walk along the Columbia River.

Mom's condition had become pretty bad while in Atlanta. She was a handful for the family caring for her. What precipitated her move to there was critical and responsible for the initial move from West Phoenix, AZ to Montgomery, AL.  Mom and her companion were living in mom's 42 ft RV on a lot that mom owns. Mom had a fall and was taken to the emergency room where, after an investigation, the State stepped in and required that she and her companion were no longer capable of living independently. That started a process that my brother Thom and his wife Kimberlee took over. They dropped everything on a moments notice to travel down and get mom ready to move. We agreed that keeping her and her companion together would be the best for both of them, so Thom and Kimberlee, along with her companion's family, consolidated their belongings and took her to Alabama.

Lunch at Burgerville.

While in Alabama, mom degraded considerably. The only person who she knew there was her companion. His family was not part of mom's long term memory. As she felt more and more alone, she began to act out with the usual behaviors connected to a person with advanced Alzheimers. The response was to medicate her to make her manageable. As stated above, once the discussion to put her in a care facility in Alabama started, we decided to bring her home. We had been counseled that if she was as bad as we were told she was, that she would not be able to travel well in the near future. It was now are never. So we made it now.  It was the best decision we could make. Mom loves her new place, even if at times she does not remember where she is at. The care is wonderful. She has adapted well.

Mom with grand daughter and great grand daughter. Jessica made mom a fidget blanket. Mom loves it.

Since bringing her home, we have been able to lower her medicines to minimums. She needs almost no sedatives except to help her sleep a bit. The home she is at prefers naturalistic approaches to health and it seems to suit mom well. Any of her kids can visit at any time. Mom still remembers us and we love seeing her. She not too good at conversation anymore, but she loves being part of family. She enjoys just being present when we are together.

Relaxing on the back deck of mom's care home.

I have always been close to my brother Thom, but this process of working with him to care for mom has brought us to a new level of relationship. He and his wife Kimberlee have taken the lions share of responsibility for mom's care and they have done it gracefully and thanklessly. I am glad that he was there for mom when she had her initial fall, and even more thankful that he is close to her to see her regularly. And on top of that, he has taken all the legal responsibility to put mom's estate in order, get her medical insurances transferred and paid up, and pay all her back taxes and bills. (People with Alzheimer's often forget to pay past bills, which then accumulate).

So bringing mom home was the bitter sweet experience of our summer trip to the states. My next post will be on a much lighter note.